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The Babylon Bee’s Top Predictions For 2022

It's that time of year again—when the infallible prophets at The Babylon Bee tell you what will happen in the next year with 100% accuracy! Will 2022 be better than this year? You decide!

By The Babylon Bee | Guest Post

Here is a definitive list of things that will happen in 2022:

January 1 – USPS will deliver your Christmas package

January 6 – Second insurrection attempt canceled

January 20 – Pfizer unveils booster shots 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8

January 21 – Men break every record ever held by women

January 22 – Harvard gender studies professor discovers five new pronouns

January 23 – The Babylon Bee discovers a 3rd conservative joke

January 25 – Obama releases another memoir

January 27 – Mark Zuckerberg finally learns how to smile with his eyes

February 1 – WHO runs out of Greek letters for variants and starts naming them after the Muppets

February 2 – Jan 6th committee finally catches your Grandma

February 26 – China officially annexes United States

March 1 – Bill Clinton plants the flag on brand new Epstein Island

March 3 – Space Force training exercise accidentally blows up Mars

March 10 – Obama releases yet another new memoir

March 25 – Meat is outlawed, replaced with delicious bugs instead

April 1 – AOC red-pilled after reading an economics book

April 19 – Man dressed as woman hailed as first woman to not complain about being cold

May 5 – Hollywood studio announces all-female reboot of Ghostbusters: Afterlife 

May 10 – Firefly renewed for 12 new seasons. Unfortunately, it’s written by the writers of the 2nd season of Ted Lasso

June 6 – AOC tweets something dumb

August 15 – The only child to be named “Brandon” for the entire year is born

September 5 – Jen Psaki becomes Ben Psaki

October 8 – Obama releases new memoir

October 11 – Ted Cruz finally gets to spend a week in Cancun

November 17 – Republicans bravely squander control of Congress

December 10th – You still can’t get your hands on a PS5

December 25 – Christmas will occur on this day

December 27 – Obama releases new memoir

December 30 – Ghislaine Maxwell‘s black book leaked, will be released in January

December 31 – Jesus returns

*  *  *

RED ALERT: this is not a joke. Elon Musk sat down with The Babylon Bee for an in-depth interview on wokeness, Elizabeth Warren, the Metaverse, and how the left is killing comedy.

Originally published on The Babylon Bee.

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